Mrs. Fix-It (& Why I’m Not Her Anymore)

Hi, my name is Jessica, & I’m a fixer. Well, at least I used to be.

I’d like to chalk it up to that famous excuse: “It’s just my personality.” To an extent, I suppose it’s true. I’m a bottom-line, solution oriented kind of girl. When I see a problem, my heart jumps into rescue mode, itching to make things better. But for a long time, I couldn’t find the line between fixing problems and fixing people. In hindsight, I can see that well-intentioned solutions sting when they’re delivered at the wrong time. Broken moments don’t need “help.” They need love.

Last night, I sat on the couch with a close friend of mine, frustrated. When one of my people walks through a hard season, rescue mode still kicks in. And my mind was in overdrive as she shared her heart, silently wrestling through ways I could make it better. But somewhere between the tears & the laughs, the hugs & the silences, I realized that I was fixing it. Our couch time was healing, for her & for me. See, she had never asked me to mend her broken moments. She had just asked me to be there in the midst of them. Presence, not problem-solving, is what counts.

Friends, this is a call to stop viewing people as projects. Healthy relationships are about standing in the gap for each other, not pointing out the gaps between here & perfection. The people who have changed me the most are not the people who have pointed out ways I could change for the better — they’re the people who loved me best. So when I’m in the midst of brokenness, I’ll swallow the practical advice, or at least save it for a better place & time. Instead, I’ll listen. I’ll laugh. I’ll love. I’ll learn what it means to just be present in times of need. At the end of the day, I don’t want to be a fixer. I just want to be a friend.

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